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The Santas

I  can still hear the sound echoing in my ear….

CLACK.

CLACK.

CLACK.

CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK.

Santa 2.0 pounding aggressively on the keyboard. Single digits. He’s not fast. Maybe that’s a good thing. I wonder if he is writing a love letter?

Earlier, Santa 1.0 was arguing with the librarian about his internet use. A surgical mask covered part of his ratty beard.

What makes libraries so appealing to long, white bearded men and why are they so annoying?

My image of Santa has been tainted. Lucky it’s only May – plenty of time to forget the CLACK, CLACK, CLACK of the keys and surgical mask.

I went to the library to avoid distractions and write.

Now I’m sitting in the back of my car with my feet on the console and my laptop resting on my thighs.

It is blissfully silent.


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The Wait

I’m sitting in the waiting room.

My palms are sweaty and I can feel my heart pounding against my chest.

I don’t want to be here.

I just want it to be over.

I can hear the noises down the hall.

The drilling.

The sucking.

The gargling.

It’s unnatural. These instruments of death do not belong in a person’s mouth.

Why is this person being worked on for so long?

What on Earth did they do to deserve such torture?!

God, I hate going to the dentist!


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The Showdown

As soon as we locked eyes, I knew we were in trouble.

I looked at The Cat to see if she had noticed it.

The Cat was oblivious. So far, so good.

Now if only it would just turn around and go back where it came from.

I stand still and watch with bated breath.

It stops. And continues to stare. Right. At. Me!

I look down at The Cat. She still hasn’t noticed.

It looks young. And terrified. It looks like a deer caught in headlights. Except it’s not a deer, it’s a possum and I don’t think The Cat has ever seen one.

I don’t want The Cat to see it.

The Cat has seen it.

Shit!

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The Peace

Clearly I haven’t been on here in a while. I almost considered closing this thing down. But I didn’t want to disappoint my faithful followers who clearly wait by the computer/laptop/phone with bated breath. Just waiting for the next instalment of my riveting life. So here I am….BACK!

………

The other day, I came across some short stories that I had typed up on my phone. Moments that I had to write down then and there with not a pad or pen in sight. I’ve decided to share some of them with you. They’re not Shakespeare but they’re me and that’s ok.

The story (could you call it a poem?) below was written nearly a year and a half ago and yet I remember exactly where I was when I typed it down on my phone. I was on my way to the Royal Exhibition Building to meet up with a friend. I wonder if they will figure it out.

Walking through the park I see people doing tai chi.

Others are lying on the grass, reading, napping.

I hear the thwack of the tennis balls from a local court.

Joggers go by.

The temperature is balmy.

It is a beautiful morning. 

Then a jackhammer breaks the silence and I remember where I am.

I’m still at peace.


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The Excursion

Today, The Wifey is shooting a wedding.

It’s the first time in a while where I haven’t spent the whole weekend with her.

I thoroughly enjoy spending my weekends with The Wifey (no surprises there) but sometimes I like to have alone time too. Time spent exploring the city or writing.

Today was one of those days.

The morning consisted of a walk (which was accompanied by The Wifey)  followed by some housework (which was not accompanied by The Wifey).

Then after some lunch I caught a train into the city. My destination: The National Gallery of Victoria (NGV)

First stop was a ride on Carsten Höller’s Golden Mirror Carousel….

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I then made my way to David Shrigley’s Life And Life Drawing exhibit where I attempted to draw this dude….

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The result was not good….

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In fact, I think it’s safe to say it is grotesque and I apologise to your eyes.

I felt that I needed to reflect on my disgraceful life drawing attempt so where better to go than to Takahiro Iwasaki’s Reflection Model….

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I could not construct a paper plane let alone a replica shrine out of wood. Insane.

After my art infusion I roamed the nearby Arts Centre Market where I bought some hand-made cards followed by a frozen yoghurt at the Artisan Bakery pop-up along Southbank (Part of the Melbourne Food & Wine Festival)

So many things going on that it reminds me I have to venture into the city more often.

I finished my little  jaunt with a new backpack purchase and pressie for The Wifey before heading home.

While I wait for The Wifey to return, I’ll read and write and play with The Cat.

It really has been the perfect day.


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The DOG Theme

KBR’s theme for February is DOG. This was my submission. It didn’t make the cut so I thought I’d put it on here. I’ll be honest, it’s not my best work. Now that I have you on the edge of your seats with anticipation….ENJOY!

CARL

There are six earplugs on the floor. Three in the bedroom, two in the lounge room and one in the hallway. There is even one in the kitchen sink!

And they’re the ones I could find.

This is not an earplug hunt.

We do not have an aversion to sound.

We just have a pet that loves to play fetch….with earplugs.

……

It all started when the next door neighbours had a party and felt the need to provide a karaoke machine.

It was not music to my ears.

In fact all the dogs in the neighbourhood started howling.

Except Carl.

Carl doesn’t howl. Unless Mark’s cat makes an appearance in the front yard. Carl doesn’t like Mark’s cat. I’m not sure why.

So anyway, as I was saying, next door was having a party and they were attempting to break all the china in my house.

Sleep was never going to be achieved so the earplugs were summoned. I squashed them into my ears as far as they would go.

Silence at last.

I settled into bed and closed my eyes.

Just as I was about to drift off to sleep I felt the earplugs start to move and expand. Before I knew it, they were flying out of my ears and over the side of the bed.

The sound of a tiny bell and a thump alerted me to Carl’s presence.

Next thing I knew Carl was sitting on my chest with an earplug at her feet. Yes, Carl is a girl.

I couldn’t believe that she had fetched my earplug. So I picked it up and threw it. Carl leapt off the edge of the bed and seconds later the earplug was back beside me.

All sound of breaking china was forgotten as Carl and I spent hours playing fetch.

No place was off limits. I threw the earplug on the third tier of my 10 tier bookshelf. I threw it on top of the fan, in-between the pillows and amongst my pile of laundry.

We moved to the kitchen. On top of the fridge, under the sink, between the dishes.

The earplug was thrown onto lampshades, under pot plants and behind the tv.

People needed to see this so I did some research online and as luck would have it, there was a an earplug fetching competition and the winner would receive $500!

I registered Carl straight away.

We practiced all week. There was no way Carl could be beaten. She was an earplug-hunting machine!

Competition day had arrived. We were ready.

“I’m sorry, but she can’t enter this competition”

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because she’s a cat”

“Yes. And?”

“And this competition is for dogs”

Clearly, I was not happy. Carl didn’t seem too fazed by it.

We returned home. I was upset. A nudge on my arm and the sound of a little bell alerted me to Carl’s presence. She had an earplug in her mouth.

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The 2am Writing Sesh Under The Covers

As the title suggests, I wrote this at 2am. I have typed it as is. I apologise in advance.

It’s 2am and I’m wide awake. Ive spent the last 2 hours reading from my phone under the covers so that I don’t wake up The Wifey. It’s been very insightful reading and I’m looking forward to exploring it more except that now my mind is wired and full of ideas. This is a good thing. It also mentioned how getting enough sleep is integral to functioning well. Clearly, I need to work on this area. Even my acupuncturist told me I need to sleep more. Maybe that’s what I’ll read up on next….techniques on going to bed earlier and getting enough sleep. I’m not good at meditating but I’ve been really concentrating on my breathing technique when I do yoga. In Bali we learnt a breathing technique where you breathe in while blocking one nostril, hold, then release the breath through the other nostril. You breathe in through that same nostril, hold, and repeat. Twice this week I’ve had trouble sleeping and twice I’ve attempted to this breathing technique. Each time I’ve had a blocked nostril. The breathing technique ain’t so easy to do with a blocked nostril….funny that. We took The Cat to the vet today for her first check up since adding her to the family just over a year ago. She is not a fan. We were surprisingly anxious. This would validate (or not) our parenting skills. Conclusion….she needs to lose a little weight (being an indoor cat, this is a common problem), and she has a tartar/plaque build up on her back teeth. I asked the vet how this was possible since we only give her super premium food (yes, she is spoilt) and the vet told us that it can happen if animals tend to wolf down their food and not chew enough (to produce saliva). The Cat is definitely a wolfer (she wolfs down her wet food). We were given tips on how to help her lose some weight (apart from the obvious “give her less” we are now going to make her work for it) and told that dentistry is the only way to remove all her tartar/plaque. The Cat is not going to like us. This little check up will eventually cost us over $500. Ouch! The whole reason of telling you about The Cat’s check up is because a) I have a tendency to go off topic and forget the point of the story b) it eventually leads to me explaining the reason as to why The Cat is now curled up on the bed in-between The Wifey and I….she likes to be close to us after a ‘traumatic’ experience. Which is all very adorable. I must admit that I do enjoy feeling her little body curled up next to me. But there is a catch. I’m 99% sure that the reason I can’t sleep is because I’m not curled up to a certain other person. Call me a sap but every night I end up falling asleep with The Wifey in my arms. Nothing is better and it’s my favourite part of the night. I really should just move The Cat over but the ridiculous thing is I just can’t do it. I could try and nudge her until she wakes up and moves of her own accord but again, I can’t. And just placing a hand on The Wifey doesn’t cut it. It’s 2.30am. This is ridiculous. I’m going to do it. I’m going to nudge her. The Cat, not The Wifey.