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The Lullaby

Many moons ago, before I met The Wifey, I watched a documentary on human life.

A part that always resonated with me involved a study in which babies were played the same tune every day while in utero.

Once living outside the womb, these babies were then placed in a room with other babies that had not been played music.

As you could imagine the room was eventually full of crying babies….until that specific tune was played. The babies that had been listening to the tune in utero stopped crying immediately.

Of course I thought this experiment was awesome and decided I would try this effect if I were ever to become pregnant.

And so here we are.

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It’s bedtime and as The Wifey rubs my tummy we start to sing our lullaby. The same lullaby that we sing to our Little Jedi every night.

When selecting the perfect lullaby, the first song that came to mind was, “My Little Buttercup” from The Three Amigos…. naturally.

Is it a lullaby? No

Is it appropriate? Not particularly (although we did tweak the lyrics).

Will we learn the dance moves that accompany the song and perform it in front of our son at his 21st birthday? You betcha!


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The Instagram Project

It’s a new year and I’ve been on maternity leave for just over 3 weeks. The Little Jedi’s due date is in a couple of days. Everything is going well although I don’t think he is in any rush to come out. I’m going to take that as a compliment.

We started the year off perfectly with a dip in the ocean….

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The Wifey moved into her new office and our Little Jedi officially became a North Melbourne Kangaroos member (you have to brainwash them young).

The labour bag is packed, the car seats are installed and his nursery is complete.

I’ve been cooking dinners in bulk and the fridge and pantry have been cleaned out and reorganised. The nesting phase has truly settled in.

Are we excited to meet our Little Jedi?

Of course!

Are we ready?

As ready as we’ll ever be!

Am I terrified?

ABSOLUTELY!

For those of you that don’t know, The Wifey has been documenting our ivf journey. Named, “Our Story To Make You”, you can see the teaser trailer here. Our journey to a positive pregnancy had not been an easy one so grab a tissue.

Until the final product is complete we decided to start an Instagram account of the same name.

Giving ourselves a “photo a day” challenge, The Wifey shoots the images while I write a story to accompany it. It might be a journal entry, letter to our son or a random story. Sometimes there will be an image explaining our backstory.

Hopefully we can keep it up.

For now, it’s all about the beach ball that is my belly….

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The Little Jedi

This post was written over a week ago….

Nestled in his cosy home, he waits.

A hooded brown cloak covers his face and body, lightsaber in hand. It is not live.

The Force surrounds him with such intensity that it makes him strong.

He grows.

As the days turn to weeks The Force continues to flow through him.

He holds the lightsaber tightly. Waiting.

7 weeks and then it begins. The lightsaber is activated and pulsing to the beat of his heart.

Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub

The Force is strong with this one.

Our Little Jedi.

…………..

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This date will forever hold special meaning in my heart. Not only because it makes reference to the awesomeness that is STAR WARS but because that is the day The Wifey and I had our fourth embryo transfer.

A transfer that would produce a positive result.

When we told our ivf nurse that we were pregnant (we had peed on a stick before the official blood test would 100% confirm it) she said, “The force is strong with this one”. She had no idea that we already had a nickname for a little embryo….

Little Jedi.

As we waited those first agonising weeks for our Little Jedi to snuggle in and make himself comfortable in my womb, I would visualise a little Jedi with a brown cloak covering his body. His face was hidden by a hood and he was holding a lightsaber.

As our 7 week scan approached I would visualise the lightsaber lighting up and pulse as a result of his beating heart.

I would keep saying, “We are strong. The Force is strong with us. We will have a strong heartbeat.”

It became my mantra. Over and over I would repeat it, willing it to come true.

I’m not a religious person but I am an imaginative one. You have no idea how much this ridiculous visualisation helped me.

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We are now 25 weeks strong and the Little Jedi and I are doing marvellously.

He is kicking up a storm or, as I like to imagine, practicing his lightsaber moves and Jedi mind tricks.

Oh, and if you haven’t figured it out already, our Little Jedi is a boy!


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The 2am Writing Sesh Under The Covers

As the title suggests, I wrote this at 2am. I have typed it as is. I apologise in advance.

It’s 2am and I’m wide awake. Ive spent the last 2 hours reading from my phone under the covers so that I don’t wake up The Wifey. It’s been very insightful reading and I’m looking forward to exploring it more except that now my mind is wired and full of ideas. This is a good thing. It also mentioned how getting enough sleep is integral to functioning well. Clearly, I need to work on this area. Even my acupuncturist told me I need to sleep more. Maybe that’s what I’ll read up on next….techniques on going to bed earlier and getting enough sleep. I’m not good at meditating but I’ve been really concentrating on my breathing technique when I do yoga. In Bali we learnt a breathing technique where you breathe in while blocking one nostril, hold, then release the breath through the other nostril. You breathe in through that same nostril, hold, and repeat. Twice this week I’ve had trouble sleeping and twice I’ve attempted to this breathing technique. Each time I’ve had a blocked nostril. The breathing technique ain’t so easy to do with a blocked nostril….funny that. We took The Cat to the vet today for her first check up since adding her to the family just over a year ago. She is not a fan. We were surprisingly anxious. This would validate (or not) our parenting skills. Conclusion….she needs to lose a little weight (being an indoor cat, this is a common problem), and she has a tartar/plaque build up on her back teeth. I asked the vet how this was possible since we only give her super premium food (yes, she is spoilt) and the vet told us that it can happen if animals tend to wolf down their food and not chew enough (to produce saliva). The Cat is definitely a wolfer (she wolfs down her wet food). We were given tips on how to help her lose some weight (apart from the obvious “give her less” we are now going to make her work for it) and told that dentistry is the only way to remove all her tartar/plaque. The Cat is not going to like us. This little check up will eventually cost us over $500. Ouch! The whole reason of telling you about The Cat’s check up is because a) I have a tendency to go off topic and forget the point of the story b) it eventually leads to me explaining the reason as to why The Cat is now curled up on the bed in-between The Wifey and I….she likes to be close to us after a ‘traumatic’ experience. Which is all very adorable. I must admit that I do enjoy feeling her little body curled up next to me. But there is a catch. I’m 99% sure that the reason I can’t sleep is because I’m not curled up to a certain other person. Call me a sap but every night I end up falling asleep with The Wifey in my arms. Nothing is better and it’s my favourite part of the night. I really should just move The Cat over but the ridiculous thing is I just can’t do it. I could try and nudge her until she wakes up and moves of her own accord but again, I can’t. And just placing a hand on The Wifey doesn’t cut it. It’s 2.30am. This is ridiculous. I’m going to do it. I’m going to nudge her. The Cat, not The Wifey.


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The Vacation

Written on 11/12/14

The Wifey and I are currently in a resort in Candidasa, Bali. We’ve been here for 4 days and it has been wonderful.

We decided we needed a little vacation to escape, reconnect with each other, and recharge the batteries.

So far, so good.

Even though it’s monsoon season we’ve been fortunate to have dry, sunny days.

Days spent lazing by the pool.

Read, sleep, swim….repeat.

The resort offers free herbal tea and Balinese sweets in the arvo. Lemongrass, ginger, cinnamon, lime and honey….so, so good!

Free yoga and tai chi every 2nd day.

And of course, HAPPY HOUR!

The Long Island Iced Tea has become our cocktail of choice.

We’ve had incredible massages and watched the sunset whilst downing Bintangs.

We’ve smiled and laughed a lot.

Every day we look at each other, shake our heads, and express our sincere gratitude to the Universe that we are able to be here.

We still have 6 days left.

Time is flying but we are appreciating every second of it.

We wanted to end this year on a high and look positively towards the coming year.

The batteries are nearly fully charged. Bring on 2015!

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The Breakdown

I need to see a therapist.

I’ve booked in to see the GP to get a referral.

I’ve never been to a therapist before….actually, take that back. I have been to a therapist. Last year. For the same subject matter.

It’s been nearly 2 years since The Wifey and I seriously thought about starting a family together.

Due to the fact that we do not possess a key ingredient in the baby-making process we knew that money was going to be a major player for us. We were going to be relying on science to help us out. No happy accidents for us.

2 years pass.

We don’t have a baby. We’re not even pregnant.

I was though (pregnant, I mean) back in April of this year.

Up until that point, we’d been through surgery, blood tests, police checks, counselling (that’s where the therapist comes in) and lots of waiting.

Even though it makes for one incredibly fascinating tale, I won’t go into all the detail. I’ll leave that for another day. Maybe.

We got pregnant on our first transfer.

After all the money and the waiting, we felt that we were due. How arrogant and naive.

Everything was going according to plan. The hardest part was behind us. We were pregnant and ecstatic.

We went in for our 7 week scan. We were going to be hearing our “Little Chicken’s” heartbeat for the first time.

I was hooked up to the monitor. We waited.

And waited.

Silence.

The ultrasound technician didn’t say a word. She didn’t have to. I knew something was wrong. We asked her if there was a problem.

She left us and called her supervisor for a second opinion. He gave me an internal ultrasound.

The tears were already streaming down my face as the supervisor confirmed our fears.

There was no heartbeat.

We were devastated and inconsolable.

We saw our doctor the next day. He told us to give it another week. Miracles have happened before.

So we waited another week even though deep down, I knew.

Another week of me taking drugs for another silent scan.

I had a curette 5 days later.

………..

 We’ve since had another egg collection and 2 negative transfer results.

It is no longer exciting.

It is stressful and leaves you feeling constantly anxious and heartbroken.

I took the last negative result hard. I haven’t been pleasant to be around and I don’t like the person I’m becoming. Even The Wifey is finding it stressful to deal with me. The constant hormones I’m ingesting don’t help.

I had a complete breakdown last week. The smallest incident sent me on an angry tirade before I sobbed uncontrollably for 20 minutes straight. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. I hope I never have to again. I’m just glad I was by myself when it happened. It wasn’t pretty. I was clearly at my breaking point and it was the wake-up call I desperately needed.

We’re giving the whole baby-making thing a break for a while.

I need to concentrate on me.

I need to get back into writing.

I need to exercise regularly.

I need to eat healthy.

I need to look after myself.

I need to laugh and joke and have fun with The Wifey again.

I need to look forward to something. I need to be happy once more.

I need help.

I need to see a therapist.


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The Throwback Thursday

It’s hard to believe that it’s been over a month since The Wifey and I arrived home from our 4 week overseas trip. Clearly, I haven’t been doing any writing in that time. I haven’t even looked at my “happy snaps” except for the ones taken on our phones.

One day, I’ll sort through them and put them into my photography catalogue (yes, I’m one of those people). I may even blog about it.

Until that day, here is a blast from the past. The year is 2005, the country is New Zealand, and The Wifey and I are on our first overseas trip together.

We were not a couple on this trip. The thought had never entered our heads…. Who were we kidding?!

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Nine years later and not much has changed…. (except for the falling in love shenanigans, getting married, buying new sunnies, adopting shorter hair and sporting a new cap)

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Can’t wait for our next adventure! Who knows what the next nine years will bring….